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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Matt's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, August 14th, 2005
7:46 pm
THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee....

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else-the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be >time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Current Mood: confused
Saturday, August 13th, 2005
10:30 pm
Mission Statement
In my life Ive always tried to please everyone else. Its made me happy to see everyone around me happy. Now that I have grown and matured (at least i think) I've realized that this no longer makes others around me happy, or doesn't always please everyone.
I feel like im writting my "Mission Statement" to give me some motivation, appreciation and goals in my life. Life is short and you only have one life, I've realized this now, granted the fact of having one life has always been there. Someone close to my best friend passed away (RIP J&J) which enlightened me to believe the next corner, the next breathe, the next word could be your last.
Many people don't realize that the way you treat someone could be that persons last impression of you. As that was said first impressions are everything but think about this if first impressions are everything, what if you just got into an arguement with your best friend and god forbid (for those of u religous people) that they died or went into acoma from a car accident that first impression wouldn't be there anymore but the last impression you made on them would be...how would you feel if they knew that you couldn't take back what you said?
I have always tried my hardest to treat everyone fairly (granted there will be 2 or 3 cases who believe i dont) whether I like you or not or if you like me or not i still treat you with respect until you do something that I don't believe in or to treat me like shit.
From now on (i hope i can keep up to this task) Im going to make sure everyday I accomplish what I wanted, talk to everyone and treat them fairly, and be honest and straight forward with people what is the point of bullshiting when life is this short? I want to meet new people, and push my limits of meeting people, becoming outgoing, and pushing my limits elsewhere :) My biggest goal is to think if i was on my deathbed tomorrow what do I regret doing or not doing? I want to have no regrets no excuses to hold me down I want to have the most fullfilling life one person can have.
This is what defines me, who I am and what I want from this sad little short life. For the past 8 years I have been pressuring myself into knowing what I want my life to be like and where I want my life to take me. I finally know and I feel a load of my shoulders knowing what life is about and my view about life.

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, May 30th, 2005
9:08 pm
Impossible Needs....
Impossible Needs - Nonpoint
I collapse from working than
The average work-a-holic
I intend then reaching father than
Infinity
To get exactly what
i fight so hard and labor for
And crack the surface of
What i intend to be
Not for you
Youre too hard to please

How do i meet
Your impossible needs
How can i reach
With you pulling on me
With your
Impossible needs
How can i reach
With you pulling on me

I snap but still hang on
By the thread that you throw me
One hand to just hang on
And the other to catch me
One too many ticks
Past the second
That you were so happy
I cant go back around again
Not for you
Youre too hard to please

How do i meet
Your impossible needs
How can i reach
With you pulling on me
With your
Impossible needs
How can i reach
With you pulling on me

In a round-about way
Im better than this
But you keep me
From taking a chance
On what i believe i am
And what you think makes me a man



Past It All - Nonpoint

This is getting old
The way that you speak to me
Never could decide
How you wanted us to be
I never know when your speaking sincerely
Why wont you show
Your intentions towards me
You think you know
The answers to everything
I want to go
My own way this time
And when you show me that
You can be trusted
Then i will show
You truth in your lies

Past all the time we wasted
I saw the end
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i
Heard the words and they began
Past it all
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i got there

Why does it always have to be your way
I tried your way before
Dont want to try it anymore
Why cant you let me do this my way
Im tired of the ends
The means are all pretend

Past all the time we wasted
I saw the end
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i
Heard the words and they began
Past it all
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i got there

And when i got there
They didnt even recognize me
When i got there
In the end

Past all the time we wasted
I saw the end
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i
Heard the words and they began
Past it all
This wasnt what you said
It would be when i got there



Peace of Mind - Nonpoint

Trapped inside
Places i'm starting to hate
Stuck inside
Wasted i fall into place
Watching the world
And waiting for something to change
Do what we have to
To get what we need
From whats left
For people like me
Batterd and bruised
From the chances i take
Its the impossible way that i think

You shouldve been satisfied
You should have been full inside
You could have been happy
Simply with your peace of mind

More than just
More than a thorn in my side
More than just
More than our differece aside
Im choosing sides now
Still waiting
For my peace of mind now
No strings attached
To the
Promises given
To the
Faces and places
Of those that i hate
Its the impossile way that i think

You shouldve been satisfied
You should have been full inside
You could have been happy
Simply with your peace of mind

Heres your share
And my share
You still need
More to fill
Its all
Or nothing at all
You take from me
You need to rest from me

Current Mood: stressed
Friday, May 20th, 2005
7:43 pm
Numbness
I have had a very intresting day today, but right now I don't know how I feel, Im lost in a sea of chaios and can't figure out what direction to go. I was in love but the love has fallen into arguing constantly. It hurts me to be alone, but the arguing is causing me to stress out and the stress is causing me to argue, I can finally see why I have a limited number of friends, Im to depressed all the time and stressed. I can understand why only a few people want or can stand being around me. I want to be happy I want to clear the stress but its a cycle if im not arguing im stressed and if im not stressed im arguing. The cycle only snowballs into bigger and worse things. I fear the unknown and I fear change, but I know when enough is enough. Through the last few years I have had a lot of rough times, I get down, and I will admit I do have a depression issue, but going from hurting myself and wanting to die to not wanting to inflict pain and not wanting to die, just getting upset is a great accomplishment in my eyes and I am working my way out of it. My next goal is to release the stress and anxiety which originally started my depression. I know what I need to do in order to get my emotions figured out, im just in an akward transition and I need some time and space.
Also, I have been told by many people that Im to nice to people yet some people thinks im selfish asshole, i try my hardest to be nice, try to buy people stuff do what people want to an extent, and have a good time, but its hard to have a good time when i feel unappreciated and walked on. I dunno im just hurt, sad, happy, depressed, lonely, and angry all rolled into one. I hope things smooth out soon. Im sorry if i have every hurt anyone now and if i every do in the future, i only try to do the best thing for others, but for a change i want to do something for myself. I have never put myself in front of anyone else never really cared or wanted much from people.

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Friday, May 13th, 2005
9:33 am
Fearful and alone
As usual i never update this and im really againist writing in this but i have no where to turn...i have screwed up what should be the best days of jen's life. I feel like shit, but Im tired of the arguing and never getting along. I admit i have taken out some stress on her and Im sorry, and my timing is always the worst but the stress and unhappiness between the two of us makes me really uncomfortable. I just want to make things better but i want to remain her friend. Everything i do i feel is wrong i just want her to be happy and enjoy life not try to be happy but just simply relax de-stress and live life...if that makes any sense. I just wish i knew what i could do to make things better. How can i fix this mess i put myself in?

Current Mood: lonely
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
9:04 pm
Wow, its been a while....
hmmm where did I leave off last...prolly saying i wasnt going to write again right? Well I went to the hallmark institute of photography for the long/short 10 months got perfect attendance and succeed with getting an amazing portfolio. Not perfect but pretty amazing! Besides that i have a really rocky relationship, with jen. And work, work is my life these days. I work usually 6 days a week, its crazy. I have an internship in boston with an ad agency its an awesome job. and tomorrow i am going to help out with the video shoot for a commercial on location so im excited. My other job is getting old quick, but i have a few freelance jobs on the side. Now that you know most of my professional or work side my personal side of my life is its usual a big mess. Granted my coinfidence is growing, but not fast enough. I really want to promote myself more than I have and talk to more people but im still too shy granted i know a lot about what i am doing and im confident in my work. I wish my life didnt revolve around my work but in a way i love it. Keeps me busy and out of most trouble. Anyways im so confused with jen it gets so complicated in one hand i love her, and the other i cant stand being around here. I havent been able to sleep trying to figure out whats best for both of us. Granted i know whats best for her. But i honestly dont think shes knows whats best for her. But enough talk of that. Im not starting any fights this evening. Well im awfully tired but full of thoughts in my head im going to go lye down and figure something out goodnigth everony
Thursday, March 25th, 2004
7:32 pm
Broken
Again, Im writting with no purpose its kind of stange, maybe i will feel better. But i don't how i could feel better. things are going great besides the loads of stress i have been under. I have learned soo much in the last 2 years and i have felt that i am maturing really quick and in someways too quick i feel like i just wanted to grow up and be an adult and live on my own and i realized life was great then but i dont regret wat i wanted. I try not to regret much in my life i just move on. minus the few cases where i did regret certian things. anyways jmk and i have been doing great together i really love her and we are planning on moving in together this summer im sooooo xcited for that :) school is tough but i love every minute of it and right now i feel like im wasting time sitting here bout i have nothing to do. i know i could be doing something but i have a lot of stuff planned out to do well peace out everyone
Sunday, January 4th, 2004
7:55 am
Good Morning
Man o man its been a while, does anyone remember me lol, i doubt it but thats ok, i hope ne one reading this had a good holiday break, I have been so busy ever since i got to school, i love this "slacker school" ehem...when i spend more than 60 hrs at school working on school work. DONT tell me its a slacker school when the majority have 10-15 hrs of classes a week :P lol sooo anyway im happy in my life i went to nj,pa, and ny with jen, i had a rough time with her before december then i realized i am in love with a wonderful girl, she has total changed and so have i but all for the better and i miss her dearly. Well everybody, best of luck for u in the new year keep your resolutions ya'll
Thursday, October 9th, 2003
8:17 pm
Wow
Wow lj has had a makeover, i guess i have been to caught up in life to kno how i really feel about life. I know schools the hardest thing i have ever done besides moving in with 2 fuckin assholes! Well my vent for tonite, just thought i would let you all kno im alive still...go back to your lives now! peace
Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
4:49 pm
just one more entry i guess
I flood my feelings with pain
I fear tomorrow and its sorrow
I want to drown in my pity
Lifes here and Im wasting it
When will this end
Im part of a herd in this world
Mezmarized by all the stupid shit that goes on
I want to disappear into the darkness of nite
Things need to change and get better
The more time that goes by make me wonder
What keeps everyone else going...
What makes them wake up everyday and go on.....
I believe I have nothing, no reason to be
Why does everyone want me here???

Ive tried to motivate myself,
Nothing makes sense, or cents
People try to buy happiness,
What is soo important to people that makes them work so much?
Is it just a rush?
What happens when the rush is gone and theres nothing left to live for??

Im not here, I feel like everythings just a dream, some where everything is perfect and Ive got everything to lose, certianly not like being here at all, its all the opposite here
What Happens when you die?
Do you stop dreaming?
Or Do you just live in your happy place forever?
I shall wait for the answer to that question till my time is right.
Now the time isnt right, I kno that but imho i feel id be better off and i kno if someone wants ya he'll take ya
Im now done complainin or whatever the hell i just did
I miss my old life, change sucs, and now from wat i have learned
...You will always say yesterday was better than today
So enjoy today so tomorrow you wont look back and say yesterday was better but man today was a lot better
...Ill never forget all my memories of good or BAD but the good ones i shall treasure because they seem so scarce is my life...sorry for takin up neones time

Current Mood: lonely
Sunday, June 8th, 2003
10:16 pm
Woah hold up...
Life has been given me hell, and i have been pretty good with dealin with it keepin a smile @ all times. I finally broke that smile mid last week and i keep putting it back on my face. Today was too much nothing really happened other than depression nothing triggered it only things just made it worse.

I push myself down into my hole
I fear what im going to do when im alone
I want this to all go away and i want to disappear
I want people to kno i care, but i cant dare tell them
I feel so concided to want to take my own life
Its better for everyone not to kno how i feel
They can live their life in their own wayyyy

It seems that everything in my life has been pushed aside
Its feels like this hole goes to deep for you to see me
I wish I had never meet anyone so i could go on with knowin u will be ok with out me...


Im turned inside out
With this feeling of guilt
I see nothing but the red of my own blood
Bend me twist my ego till i drop...
Im going back to my place,
i feel like im stuck in 2nd
i need to slow my life down
see where im going
i have no control of my life
Friday, May 16th, 2003
11:54 pm
Hello
May 10, 2003 I made my first skydive the exciment life was great and still is!
Well tonite jen came over and we talked for about 3-4 hrs and it only felt like an hr, it was a good time i hope i didnt scare her off or nething im afriad i did and i really really swear to god hope i dint freak her out at all...well i dont think i did but im paranoid like that....I have deleted my past i thought it would help but it always resurfaces, it hurts too much to kno the past might feel like the present again and im rambalin again im tired goodnite

Current Mood: sad
Friday, April 25th, 2003
12:34 am
Best vaca
Well i havent writen in wat seems to be a while, my vacation has been too busy with work. Well last fri nite i dont kno if i said this i went on a date with this girl. I had a wicked awesome time =0) we went to the movies and then we went and played pool it was sooo relaxing, i asked her to my prom. and she said YES and i hung out with her mon nite we went to barnes and noble and then we chilled which was great, tonite we just chilled and talked i love hearing her talk she has so much to say but she isnt talkative. I really feel some wierd, but great connection with her! I havent had a bad time with her. Well im glad i seem happy for once.

Current Mood: grateful
Friday, April 18th, 2003
11:28 pm
Im soooo Fing Happy!
Man o man today has topped every day every! I went to hampton till bout 11 am then after that i went to shcool presented my project and left. Afterwords i went to work which was sooo easy. Than afterwords i went to the movies and played some pool, then drove around with her, we just talked! It was great...but i leave out all the details! hehehe iim so fuckin happy! =0)

Current Mood: grateful
Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
10:13 pm
Woahhhhh
Two great days in a row, weather has been ill nasty in the best ways!!!! Im also hopefully havin a great nite friday i cant wiat im sooo excited!!!! and t/w im going to a red sox game hopefully and man. Drivin has been incredable with this weather i hope it stays and never rains or snows again knock on every piece of wood in my house well im going to go to bed, im sooo happy for a change, man o man as nonpoint puts it best WHAT A DAY WHAT A DAY!

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, April 14th, 2003
9:18 pm
Good day hell yeah
Well weekend was ok today was great!!! I had such a good day, i talked to that girl and got her number and she was sick so its thats sweet i hope to go out with her sometime this weekend or over vacation!!!! But also i got new tires cleaned my car up it look nasty! (a good nasty) Sooo i just got in from driving and makin a quick phone call, now its time to retire for the day! Nothing will top today! =0) PEace

Current Mood: ecstatic
Saturday, April 12th, 2003
9:42 pm
hmmm bored
Im sooo bored right now i went to see if she might show up at the play cause a few people said she would i waited 20 minutes past 7 and it was supposed to start at 7...i either missed her or she didnt show, i think she didnt show. Well im going to see wat happens monday if i can talk to her then. It sucs being shy, it really does. I think its better if i keep to myself like i was for a while. But besides that lifes lookin up i just got in from 2 hrs of driving round marlboro....yeah but neways everyone take care...

Current Mood: confused
Friday, April 11th, 2003
2:16 pm
hmm
hmm coindice or not she doesnt show up to school today? but besides that, school sucked got my report card way to boost my self esteem eh? Well im not letting one thing get to me but the rest is, i think im going south tonite, im going to drive till i see sun, or at least no more rain and clouds im sick of this fuckin weather, but i think everythings cool otherwise...well fuck life eh? Im pretty dumb thinkin someone might want to chill, but i cant believe my day was shitty, soo much just went wrong!

Current Mood: rejected
Thursday, April 10th, 2003
8:47 pm
Im on the peak of my happiness
Im floating in the air
Im floating without the care
Im finally happy! Im happier than i have ever been this week sucked till today, sun nite was sweet went out for a ride in the nicest care ive been in, my weekend overall sucked, beside bowling and driving, this week weather was soooo crappy!!!! Im glad today was sunny, everything worked out as i planned it in my head =0) Im glad im going to be able to go out and let everything go and have a GREAT time i hope, and maybe i will have a prom date tooo =0) Well im excited i wish myself the best of luck

Hell cant deal me a hand and not expect to me to kick his ass in blackjack biatch! Im going to have hells ass on my wall for decoration! I win no matter the loses i take for the win!

Current Mood: accomplished
Friday, March 28th, 2003
2:43 pm
Well today
Today was very uneventful, and i woke up not too happy, tomorrow is going to be really painful for me, for 3 reason, only one of which i will share, dean crashed into a tree one year ago, and two others which will make it suck so much more than it does already, but im going to be prepared as much as i can to have a good day! I hope everyone doesnt mind me complainin...ill ttyl

Current Mood: uncomfortable
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